Shattered & Scarred Read online

Hours later I stripped off gloves, stood and stretched. I peeked out front and found Ashton engrossed in adding up receipts. She needed a job and just so happened I needed a counter man. It was a pain in the ass training her from scratch but at the same time that was a blessing too. This way I got someone guaranteed to do it my way.

  The boys got back from the show today and were a bit dumb founded at first but I called a shop meeting and explained what was up. Everyone agreed Chris had been here way passed his expiration date and it didn’t hurt that Ashton was easy on the eyes. They gave her a month to see if she could learn the point of sale system but she exceeded even my expectations and had it figured out in like two hours.

  Of course what did I expect when she’d spent the last ten years of her life with a perfectionist prick who was quick to whoop her ass if she got it wrong? She was damaged but amazingly, not beyond repair.

  She sat quietly at the desk and greeted customers softly and warmly. She booked appointments for five of us and cleaned the shop to within an inch of its life. So what if we caught her staring at this piece of art or that for long minutes? She got shit done a hell of a lot faster than Chris’ lazy ass ever had.

  “What are you thinking?” she asked and I snapped out of my reverie.

  “Thinking about you.” I said honestly and laughed.

  “Oh.” She looked worried.

  “You’re doing awesome. Better than expected.” I smiled and she glowed from the small praise.

  “Are you sure you want to live with me?” she asked.

  “Never been more sure of anything in my life, why?” I asked.

  “Insecure I guess.” She gave me a weak smile.

  “Don’t be.” I said then switched subjects, “When’s my next appointment?”

  “Not for another hour.” She didn’t even look at the date book but she knew.

  “In that case can I take you to lunch?” I asked. She smiled.

  “Okay.”

  We went next door to a sandwich shop. Once seated in a back booth she relaxed some.

  “Excited?” I asked. It was move day for the both of us tomorrow.

  “Yes,” and I could see that she was. A full week out and her bruises on her face had faded to a muddy yellow and green. Barely there. Few more days and she’d be flawless. The rest of her was still pretty thrashed, I could see the dark wine colors on her lower back when she bent to file something and her shirt rode up.

  “You’re quiet.” I observed.

  “A lot has been happening in a very short amount of time.” She said.

  “Yeah.” I agreed, then asked, “How you holding up?”

  “Okay I guess. Still scared… jumpy.” She chewed her lower lip and I pulled it free of her teeth with the pad of my thumb reflexively. What she did shot a speedball of desire straight into my veins. She kissed it, my thumb, and leaned her cheek into my curled fingers. She watched me while she did and I swallowed hard. I surreptitiously adjusted myself in my pants beneath the table. She drew back from my hand and I pulled it back over to my side of the table. The moment, delicate as a soap bubble floating in the air, snapped, but the memory of it remained, hanging in the air between us.

  “I’m sor…” she started but I put a stop to it quick.

  “Don’t apologize Ashton.” I searched her face and tried to show her what she looked like to me, through my eyes.

  “Never apologize.” I whispered.

  “Okay.” She said and we both went back to eating, the silence heavy between us.

  I don’t think she knew any better than I did what we were doing. Both of us were just playing it by ear. I wanted to do right by her, I really did, but I honestly didn’t know how long my self-control would last. Not when she did shit like that. I just didn’t want to push her, or worse, take the place of her douchebag ex. I looked at her delicate hands and realized she’d stopped wearing her wedding set. When had that happened? I guess it didn’t really matter.

  We went back to the shop and I worked late. I had Chandra come and give her a lift back to the clubhouse for our last night spent there.

  I was going to miss her body pressed against mine in the night.

  I really was.

  Fuck me man! I had it bad…

  The next day, a group of us guys were at the new place.

  “You sure you want to do this man?” Derek asked for the third time since that morning. I wiped the sweat off my forehead with my arm. We were getting the last of my furniture from storage and moving it up to the third floor apartment.

  “For the last fucking time man I’m sure.” I said.

  “Okay bro, it’s your funeral if the bitch turns out to be crazy and stabs you in your sleep.” I scowled at him.

  If anyone was gonna get stabbed in their sleep it was going to be Ashton. I had woken in the middle of the night with her tight little ass pressed to my cock as I’d spooned her. It had taken everything I had not to move her leg just so, her panties aside and…

  “Hey Trigger! What’re you thinking about so hard over there?” Reaver looked over at me and I was jolted back into action. He laughed at me and turned to Derek, an old Marine Corps buddy of mine.

  “Naw man, wait ‘til you meet her. She’s sweet as fucking pie. Cooks for the damned MC morning noon and night. Even cleaned the clubhouse bathrooms.” He took an end of my box spring and I took the other. We hefted it up the three flights of stairs and there was no more talking for the moment.

  Derek set down one end of my couch, one of the guys from the shop set down the other. I motioned for them to put it against one wall. The slid the black leather monstrosity back and straightened.

  “Yeah man,” Squick said, “He’s got her working the counter at the shop. She’s quiet and freaking tiny! I think my eight year old niece is bigger than her.” I gave him a look like he was being ridiculous which he was… but not entirely so.

  “Okay other than ‘quiet’ and ‘tiny’ what’s she freaking look like?” Derek asked as we trouped down the stairs to get more stuff.

  “She’s got eyes like the sun.” I said and Derek barked a laugh.

  “Dude, that’s not him being poetic and shit, she really does; her eyes are gold. Never seen anything like it.” Reaver affirmed.

  “Okay, what about the rest?” Derek asked.

  “Long auburn hair to her butt.” Squick said.

  “She’s a member of the itty bitty titty committee.” Reaver said and I glowered at him.

  “What!? She is.” He said defensively.

  “You still don’t have to put it like that.” I said.

  “Dude you in love with this chick or something?” Derek asked laughing. I stopped and thought about it, I cared about her, sure and she’d done a pretty spectacular job of getting under my skin in all the right ways… but love? Derek’s face fell.

  “Holy shit. You’ve known this bitch all of a week! I mean fuck man, if you have to think about it…” he didn’t finish the thought probably because I had a look on my face that screamed if he did I would break his fucking arm.

  “Look, I like Ashton, a lot. I want to make sure she’s safe and that she can put her douchebag ex in the rearview once and for all. I’m just doing what I’ve done from the moment I met her, playing shit by ear and going where the road takes me. Whatever happens, happens.” I shrugged and the three of them exchanged looks and shrugged too.

  “Now hurry the fuck up so I can go get her. She was so excited when I left she’s probably about ready to pee herself by now.” The guys laughed and I joined in this time, a little bothered by my recent introspections.

  Ashton kept saying everything was moving really fast and she wasn’t wrong but this was the first time I was thinking along the same lines. So far everything had been comfortable, had felt right even. Now I wasn’t so sure. We hustled through the last of what was on the truck and I left the guys putting furniture together. I jogged out to the truck and started it.

  Truth was, despite my afternoon’s misgivings, I wa
s excited for her to see the apartment, to claim the space for her own. I couldn’t afford to get her a bed so I got her one of those air mattress beds that inflated in a minute. I’d set it up in her room along with some white sheets for tonight and a gift card for a hundred bucks at Wal Mart for her to pick what she wanted blanket wise. She should be able to get some cheap ass particle board furniture for the room too.

  Nothing fancy, but at least it was a start.

  I felt a pang about not having her in my bed anymore. I’d slept better in the last week than I had in months if not a couple of years. I turned onto the highway and drove towards the club house.

  I was beginning to think Ashton was as much a tonic to some of the broken parts of my soul as I was to hers. Her broken was just a lot fresher than mine, more noticeable. Still, comfortable or not, sleeping better or not, it was time to take a step back, give her some time to recover. I could still be there for her but she needed some space.

  I guess in some ways I felt like a parent trying to teach their kid to ride a bike, only with stakes much higher. The training wheels had to come off but I was still holding on to the bike running alongside. Eventually I would have to let go and she would either pedal down the street on her own or she would fall.

  I hit the signal and turned into the clubhouse driveway.

  I didn’t have to let go today and despite my unease on if I was really doing her a solid or becoming a crutch for her, I wanted to enjoy this, hopefully see her smile.

  Yeah, that would be good.

  Chapter 10

  Ashton…

  I stood just inside the door way to Ethan’s room and made sure I had gotten everything that was moving to the new apartment. The bed and bedding remained as did the small television and DVD player. A change of his clothes hung neatly in the closet but everything else was piled in the common room waiting for Ethan to arrive and take us home…

  I sank down onto the corner of the bed.

  Home…

  It felt foreign in my head. I hadn’t had a home in a very long time. When my mother died, I had been bounced from temporary foster home to temporary foster home two or three times before landing permanently with the Tuckers. I had been lucky. Nothing bad had happened to me to remove me from any of the homes. You hear horror stories all the time of abuse or molestation… none of those things had happened to me, it had just been a matter of supply and demand. The need for good foster homes vastly outweighed the homes available. So I’d had to play a short game of musical homes until one came available.

  Living with the Tuckers from eleven to eighteen had felt like home after the first year or so. Then it was off to college and no matter how much you personalized a space, a dorm room was just that… a dorm room.

  Then I had married Chadwick, right after graduation and I had thought that finally I would have a home of my own. A family. I had been an absolute fool. The first few months of our marriage had been good. We’d honeymooned in the South of France, made love just about every night, then about eight months in things began to change.

  At first, Chadwick had decided that he didn’t like me going out with my friend Alley. He’d declared her trashy and a bad influence. He began nagging me after a fashion, lecturing me every time I went out, told me that he was disappointed in me which had hurt. I didn’t want him to be disappointed and so I began to see her less and less until eventually I didn’t see her at all.

  Then he became too busy for us to visit home for me which was the Tuckers, just two states away and he wouldn’t hear of me going alone. What if something happened to me? He’d ask, and then he would tell me how he couldn’t live without me, how much he needed me in his life.

  Then after a year or two of married life he had become critical of my appearance, stating I required diet and exercise that he hadn’t married a fat woman and he wouldn’t be married to one. Instead of letting me go to a gym he’d had one put in at the house and had hired a personal trainer. Handpicked a woman who had taught me yoga. She and I became friends and he fired her. Told me that people like us didn’t make friends with the help. I argued with him and that was the first time he hit me.

  “Ashton?” Ethan knelt down in front of me.

  “What’s wrong?” he asked. I looked up from my lap to his silvery eyes and smiled. His expression softened.

  “Just thinking about how I got here.” I murmured.

  “About out on the road?” he asked.

  “No, about college and how everything just got so… lost.” I sighed.

  “Tell me?” he asked and sat down cross legged on the floor. I took a deep breath and I told him, about my mom, about foster care and about how I had worked my ass off in high school to make my mom proud. About the essays and scholarships and grants… About meeting Chadwick at one of his fraternities rush parties.

  About how sweet he’d been, taking me on dates talking long into the night, about how he’d proposed on Valentine’s Day our junior year. How we’d gotten married just after graduation and how he’d immediately gone to work for his father. He listened patiently as I stripped myself bare, about how I’d grown increasingly isolated about the first time Chadwick had hit me, about how he’d brought flowers afterwards and how he’d apologized and how I had wanted so hard to believe him. How I had believed him until it happened again…

  Ethan gently thumbed tears from beneath my eyes and had smiled sadly at me. He struggled for a time, fishing for something, anything to say. He looked lost and so I bravely smiled and stood up. He got to his feet and pulled me into a hug.

  “I know it’s been said before but I’m gonna say it anyways Sunshine.” He leaned back and tilted my face up to his, gently cupping my face with his broad hands… “Things are going to be different from now on.” He said softly and I nodded, his fingers sliding against my skin sending a wash of goose flesh down my spine.

  “I’m gonna keep saying it and spend every day proving it until you finally believe it too.” He smiled. I smiled and wiped my eyes and sniffed.

  “Ready to go see the new place?” he asked gently.

  “Yes.” I nodded.

  We went out to the common room. The door was opened wide and the pickup backed to it. Doc stood in the back of the truck while Dray handed him up boxes and suitcases and duffels of clothes. I had put trash bags over the hanging clothes, poking holes in the top for the hooks of the hangars to go through. Those hung off of the empty gun rack inside the truck against the back window.

  “Thanks.” Ethan grunted at Dray and the darker man gave him a curt nod. I didn’t even pretend to understand their relationship. More often than not they seemed to butt heads and yet Dray still helped Ethan despite their ongoing thinly veiled animosity.

  “Thank you.” I murmured as I went past and Dray grunted.

  “Whatever gets the club house back to man-land faster.” He said and I smiled despite his grumpy attitude.

  “See you over there Darlin’.” Chandra blew out a plume of smoke as she spoke and I smiled. She and Doc were coming too. I bit my lip and turned back to Dray whose expression was storm clouded. I was going to invite him but lost my nerve. I got into the truck and Chandra got in beside me. Ethan was riding his bike over.

  We drove along and sang to the radio and the raincloud over my heart slowly moved off. By the time we were pulling into the apartment building’s driveway behind Ethan and Doc’s bikes I was suffused with the warm glow of excitement, fairly vibrating with it. I was out of the truck before Ethan could reach for the handle. He laughed.

  “Excited?” he asked and I nodded emphatically.

  “Hey! There she is!” I heard from above me and shading my eyes from the sun with my hand saw Andy from the shop, though for some reason everybody called him Squick.

  He was a lanky fellow, tall and rail thin and nothing but knees and elbows. He was covered in a myriad of colorful tattoos large and small, all patch worked together on both arms. The colorful cartoon-like images he explained to me were “new scho
ol” climbed both sides of his neck and cascaded down his ribs, leaving his narrow chest and stomach bare. He favored faded band tee shirts with the sleeves cut out, leaving gaping holes down his flanks so his tattoos were visible. He paired the shirts with holey jeans, the knees ripped out and frayed, ending over the top of his black converse, more threads trailing at his heels where he’d walked off the back cuff of his pants.

  I smiled and waved up at him. A man I didn’t know stood beside him. He was shorter than Andy by a lot, but who wasn’t? He was built sturdy, and carried himself like a soldier. Back straight, shoulders back. He wore jeans and a green tee shirt, and peered down at me speculatively. His brown hair was hidden under a black baseball cap turned backwards on his head. It was the kind with a solid back, without the adjustable plastic thing some of them had. A small silver logo rode between his brows, too small to be seen from this distance. I couldn’t make out his eye color from here, but Andy’s I knew was a warm brown.

  “Ashton.” Ethan called and I went to where he stood and took the banker’s box with my yearbooks and photos from him. He heaved his big green duffel bag over the side of the truck and nodded that I should go ahead. Doc and Chandra followed, each carrying something.

  I took the stairs carefully. My sneakers quiet on the wooden treads, all the way up to the third floor. Andy stood outside the open apartment door and ushered me in with a flourish. I smiled at him and went in. Standing just inside the door it smelled strongly of fresh paint, the living room was to my left, couches and the television already in place. A fireplace was in the corner, the window set into the wall beside the fireplace was wide open overlooking the parking lot below and letting in the fresh spring air.

  To my right was the small kitchen and in front of that, sharing space with the living room, was a dining area. A table and four chairs, correction a nice table and four chairs was set up in front of the open breakfast bar leading into the kitchen. A liquor cabinet hugged the wall by the front door, though as of now it was empty. A hallway was directly across from the front door and held four doors. Two on the left and two on the right.