Cracked & Crushed Page 21

  It was damned near ten o’clock at night on a fucking Wednesday but fuck it, I was gonna go. I jerked my head in the direction of their small two story cottage and Trig fell into step beside me.

  “Did you fuck her?” he asked and I huffed a laugh, remembering a time when I’d asked him the same exact thing about Ashton.

  “No but yes.” I said darkly. Trigger raised a blonde eyebrow, his silvery blue eyes searching my face.

  “What the fuck kind of answer is that?” he asked.

  “A truthful one,” I said circumspectly. He laughed.

  “Seriously man, what happened between you two?” he asked, stopping. I stopped with him, just shy of the steps leading to his front porch.

  “Okay super condensed version, met up with the local MC down there, good guys, invited them up for the summer lake run in a few weeks, shared Hayden with their Pres., made love to her, then the next night I fucked her and then loved her damn near into a coma. I think that about covers it,” I thought about it some, nodded once and looked at my best friend in the world who looked absolutely poleaxed, e-cig dangling forgotten between his lips and I grinned. I patted him on the shoulder twice and went into the house. I don’t think he moved for a long minute from that spot.

  I found Ashton in the master bedroom upstairs, the shower was running and I felt my shoulders drop. I wanted to get to my kid, but bailing now would be a bad idea. Hayden had been bailed on enough. I was relieved when the shower shut off before I could say anything. Ashton was watching me with curiously with her golden gaze.

  “I suppose you wanna know what’s up too?” I said and she gave me this heart stopping little smile.

  “Oh I’ll know, trust me. Hayden‘s my BFF after all.” She smiled bigger when I stuck my tongue out at her.

  Hayden stepped out of the bathroom in the purple night gown I’d bought her and I swear my cock leapt to attention. She stopped and smiled, a glint of her old self in her eyes.

  “Have to go?” she asked.

  “Yeah Babe, I do,” I said gently. She nodded and I could see it in her eyes that she both understood, and at the same time didn’t want to let me go. That warmed a part of my heart, it really did. It warmed me even more knowing that I could confide in her on the way up here, tell her what was going on, be totally open and not feel guilty about it. I’d never had that before.

  “Go get your son,” she breathed gently and whatever guilt I’d been harboring over leaving her like this was absolved. I went to her and bent kissing her softly.

  “I’ll call you,” I murmured and she smiled this little crooked smile that said she didn’t believe me.

  “You tossed my phone. I have to get a new one,” she reminded me.

  “We’ll do that tomorrow,” Ashton said gently, reminding us she was there. Looking into Hayden’s bright green eyes it was too easy to forget my surroundings, forget about everyone else…

  “Like I said, I’ll call you,” I said softly. ”After I get things settled.”

  “Okay,” she said sweetly and it was one of the hardest things I have ever done leaving her there like that with so much in her life unsettled like it was. I ducked out into the hall and took the stairs as fast as my feet would carry me out the front door. If I stopped now I wouldn’t leave her but my son was and always would be the priority in life.

  Trigger was sitting on the porch swing, the end of his e-cig flaring bright blue, a captured star under the eaves in a night that I realized was full of them when I looked up at the sky and let out an explosive breath. Trig chuckled at me and I shot him a narrow eyed glare.

  “Don’t get your panties in a wad,” he started.

  “Hard to when I don’t wear any,” I grated and he laughed.

  “She’ll be here tomorrow and the day after that, and the day after that I reckon. How bad is her place?” he asked.

  “Dunno, haven’t seen it. Look I gotta go get my kid Bro…” I started apologetically.

  “Yeah no, go! We’re always here for you too. You know that.” Trig waved me off effusively. I cracked him a smile.

  “Thanks for having my back in all things baby mama drama,” I said and his expression darkened a bit.

  “You running out of guilt yet?” he asked.

  “With this, yeah I think I am,” I said.

  “Good, it’s about fuckin’ time you kept Aimee from running rough shod all over your ass. It isn’t pretty,” he said and that’s what I liked about Trig, he spoke the truth but always did it in such a way as to take the bite out of it. He always managed to give it less sting somehow. By now I was sitting astride my bike and as I mulled over what he was sayn’ fixing my helmet onto my head. I tightened the chin strap to where it was comfortable and slid the safety glasses over my eyes to shield them from the wind. The night was warm and just this side of becoming uncomfortable in my leathers but once I started moving that should ease off.

  “Thanks man,” I grunted and he nodded.

  “Keep the shiny side up Brother,” he said and I fired Baby up and carefully backed her out of Trigger and Sunshine’s driveway.

  “Take care of my girl,” I shot at him over the rumble of the engine.

  “Like she was my own!” he called back and I couldn’t help it, I gave him a rakish grin and said,

  “Keep it in your pants buddy!” and he barked a laugh.

  “I got my own for that!” he called at my retreating back, and I almost didn’t hear him from my engine and the wind.

  Chapter 16

  Hayden…

  My shoulders slumped a little as I heard the growl of Reaver’s bike grow more distant. Ashton caught it and gave me a sympathetic look. We’d moved from the master bedroom into her guest room and she was sitting on the bed watching me go through the saddle bags Reaver had left behind. Mostly I was trying to take inventory of what I had versus what I didn’t and I was trying like hell to remember what I’d had at the wedding and what might be at the cleaners. Ashton huffed impatiently and got up.

  She went to the closet and opened the doors. My wedding dress hung forlorn by its self. My suitcase forgotten on the floor at the opposite end, I seized up my laptop bag and crushed it to my chest.

  “I love you so much for rescuing this Ashton, I can’t even begin to tell you. All my clients, all my notes, all my designs, everything is in here and I have an online backup, I know, but even with that it wouldn’t be the same and just so much has happened, so much has changed…” Ashton knelt beside me and wrapped her arms around me hugging both me and the laptop case as one.

  “Hayden, what happened?” she asked me and I took a deep breath and let it out slowly and tugged back from the embrace.

  “I’m not even sure,” I told her and I started from the beginning, going way, way, back all the way to when Andy first started to grow distant, through when I caught him cheating, through him and my mom convincing me to take him back, through the process of he and I rebuilding the shattered pieces to when Ashton and I met then the engagement… just all of it.

  Ashton sat and listened patiently and I startled when a glass of water appeared over my shoulder, just when my mouth had begun to go dry and my throat began to get scratchy from just so much talking. I looked up at Trigger who arched a blonde eyebrow, the silvery blue of his eyes startling surrounded by the pale yellow mane of his hair. He’d pulled the elastic holding it back and it framed his face in thick yellow waves. I took the glass gratefully from him, and tried valiantly to remember the man didn’t at all match his imposing packaging. Still, his sheer size and breadth of shoulders was intimidating as hell.

  I drank the contents down and he took the glass from me and returned to his self- imposed post at the door, leaning his broad frame nonchalantly against the door jamb, arms crossed loosely, the cotton of his tee straining across the back and the swell of his biceps. He smirked at me and I shook my head to clear it and went back to my story.

  “I thought we were okay Ash, I thought we were fine and then we’re standing
at the alter and he’s looking at me like I’m Rosemary’s baby and is telling me that he can’t marry me. I thought that was the worst thing, I was so wrong because the next morning, in Florida, he called while I was on the beach and told me he didn’t know if he had even ever loved me,” I chewed my bottom lip and sighed out a little in relief. Just talking this all the way through with Ashton listening was already taking some of the edge off my burden. Still, I missed Reaver’s patient questions and warm embrace just the same. When he held me, the whole mess seemed somehow less, more tolerable, I could be angry about it instead of just hurt.

  “Is that when he tossed your phone?” Trigger asked from behind me, I startled not expecting him to speak.

  “Yeah.”

  He grunted, “Good man.”

  “Agreed. We’ll get you a new one in the morning. It was worth the expense if it gave you a few days of peace.” She smiled at me and I felt myself blush to the roots of my hair. Ashton looked past me to her man and said, “Okay, out now. This is all girl time from here on out.” I looked at her mouth agape and turned to see Trigger grinning from ear to ear, hands upraised palm out. He backed out of the guest bedroom and closed the door with a soft click behind him.

  “You’re kind of incredible you know that?” I asked.

  “Yeah well, he knows whenever we girls talk about sex he gets it and it’s usually incredibly hot so he’s not one to complain.” Ashton smiled conspiratorially and I laughed.

  “What do you want to know?” I asked quietly, fully aware that she and Reaver had… well… at least once that I know of. I wanted to say that made me feel uncomfortable and it did a little bit until I thought about why it made me so.

  “Why are you frowning?” she searched my face, golden gaze concerned and I smiled.

  “I was thinking I should feel uncomfortable with the fact that you and I both have slept with Reaver but lately I’ve been taking the time to analyze why I think or feel certain ways,” I confessed.

  “Why?” She tilted her head curiously.

  “Because a lot of what I have been thinking or feeling lately has been heavily influenced by my mom or Andy and I don’t know, Ashton, I feel like I should be upset or grossed out that Reaver’s slept with us both but that’s my mom talking. Truth is Reaver gave me a beautiful and amazing experience and made it not-weird for me and it felt like…” I thought about it for a long minute before putting it into words, “It felt like he brought me back a little from whatever weird rabbit hole I’d gone down with my mom and Andy. I came back feeling more like the girl you met back when I had a backbone.” I nodded thinking that was as close as I was going to get to putting it into words. Ashton was grinning.

  “Good, I’m glad you feel that way, that you’re back together a bit, but what was with that kiss? Reaver sent me a picture of you two. Where were you guys?” she asked.

  “Oh the picture!?” I asked startled.

  “Yeah.”

  “That was the short cliffs lighthouse, but that wasn’t the first time we kissed.” I told her about the conversation on the beach, about how he’d asked to kiss me before opening up about himself, about why he’d asked to kiss me, that he was afraid once he’d told me that he would never get another chance. We shared a moment of quiet sadness over that for Reaver, and I didn’t disclose anything he told me just that he had been very up front and honest about some darker aspects of his past and how he felt like he had a monster inside his head. She nodded and no more needed to be said.

  I told her about how he’d cut the pajamas off of me and she and I both swooned a little over how hot it’d made me feel. She didn’t seem to be bothered at all about that. I told her about Cutter and Reaver sharing me and how beautiful that experience had been for me, how they had made sure of it and she smiled sweetly, fondly and shared some of her own memories of the time she’d been shared by Trigger and Reaver. I couldn’t help myself, I had to ask her.

  “Was that the only time?” she nodded silently.

  “There’s been plenty of opportunity for it to happen again but Reaver was having such a hard time with even considering another girl the more you and I started to hang out after Chadwick died. He’s only had eyes for you for a long time. Hasn’t even looked twice at any of the club whores,” she smiled and I chewed my lower lip thoughtfully.

  “I’m not sure if I should say ‘I’m sorry’ or not.” I looked at her and she burst out laughing.

  “No most definitely not!” she said and hugged me.

  “My time with Reaver and Ethan was a onetime thing and I was happy with it being that. My question to you is how are you feeling? I mean if it came up would you do it again?” she asked.

  “You know I think if the opportunity came up and Reaver were okay with it, I would but only with Cutter. I wouldn’t be comfortable with anyone else.” She raised an eyebrow at me.

  “Hayden, just say what you mean,” she said and I blushed.

  “Doing it with Trigger is a total turn off no go for me because you two belong to each other!” I blurted as if saying it faster would take the embarrassment out of it and I still slapped a hand over my mouth when I finished. I mean it wasn’t anything on Trig! He was a beautiful specimen of what a male should be but he was Ashton’s and I didn’t want to mess with that, like at all… Ashton smiled wide, her golden eyes sparkling.

  “That’s another reason I never went there with Reaver again. Whether you knew it or not, he was yours and leading all the way up to and after what happened, I sort of had my fingers crossed for you two.” Her confidence of her secret hopes surprised me and I didn’t know how to take it. Instead I filed it away to look at when I wasn’t so tired. I mean, right now I was in negative Nancy mode and tired and it sounded to me like my best friend had just told me she’d hoped my relationship with Andy would fail! I couldn’t put it down so I asked.

  “I didn’t want it to fail per se, I wanted him to treat you better. I wanted him to be there for you and do what he was supposed to do in a relationship. I wanted him to stay home more, and plan the wedding with you, I wanted him to be excited to be with you and love you and make you happy and he was doing none of those things!” she looked more than a little put out by it too before she went on. “So I guess when he didn’t and I was absolutely sure he wasn’t going to, yeah, I secretly started wishing he would go away so that Reaver could do what I knew he was desperate to do from the moment he laid eyes on you. He wanted to be all of those things to you and more. What a real man should be to his woman. What Ethan is to me…” She smiled with pride at the last and I smiled with her, happy as hell she had that with Trig. She deserved it after her douchebag ex. That, and of course, after putting it that way I could see her point when it came to me and Andy and decided that I couldn’t be angry with her. After all the feelings weren’t coming from a bad place, but rather a good one.

  I finished telling her about Florida, about last night, which after the long exhausting ride of the day seemed like ages ago rather than just last night. I told her about Reaver letting his darker side out to play with me and how it had scared me, sure, but more so it had secretly thrilled me because I knew deep down in my heart of hearts that I could trust Reaver implicitly and that I had an out if I needed it. That one little word would have stopped the ride. Ashton’s eyes were a little wide and she blinked.

  “I had no idea,” she murmured and I could see she was thinking back to the lake run of a little over a year ago. She smiled then and it was both sweet and a little sad, not for herself but for Reaver I think.

  “What?” I asked her.

  “I’m glad you could give him that Hayden, I don’t think it’s something I could do,” she said at last and I held her hands in mine and gave them a little squeeze. She searched my face and whatever she saw there caused her to nod.

  “Bed time, you’re exhausted and I’m pretty sure Ethan is waiting for me. We can sort this in the morning. You gave yourself a day of being back before any actual appointments with cl
ients, right?” I nodded wearily and got to my feet, my legs sore from sitting on them so long.

  Ashton’s spare bedroom was decorated like something straight out of Phantom of the Opera. The wallpaper on the wall behind the bed a black and gray damask pattern, the queen sized bed robed in rich black satin sheets, the comforter a deep rich red with a raised diamond pattern on it. Seed beads like pearls sewn where the lines crossed at every point. An antique writing desk was in one corner, the wood rich and dark, complementing the two nightstands and the tall four posted bed.

  She helped me sort out the sea of decorative pillows at the head of the bed before I got into it. I’d helped her decorate the room and it had turned out nice. It was tastefully Victorian without being garish which had been hard to do. It was like once you opened the door to this room and stepped inside, you stepped into another era which had been the goal from the start. Ashton had wanted at least one fun themed room in the house and she’d gotten it with this one. Trigger hadn’t said a word about it. In fact when we’d asked he’d locked Ashton in an intent gaze and said to her that he hadn’t cared what she’d done with the house at all, as long as he’d be coming home to her every night.

  “Get some sleep Hayden, I love you,” she said, and flipped out the antique brass and crystal light fixture overhead, plunging the room into darkness. I sighed and closed my eyes. It was after two in the morning, we’d talked longer than I’d thought. I settled into the soft bed and slept like the dead. Too exhausted to do anything else other than capitulate to my body’s demands.

  The next morning I woke later than I would have liked, by like a lot. I groaned and got up and padded down the hall to the restroom in the master suite. Ashton and Trigger’s bed was already made. The house was always perfect, a throwback and testament to Ashton’s beginnings. I would be jealous if I didn’t know the sobering and sinister connotations behind it. Still, if it was a habit she should keep from her days with her abusive ex, I suppose there were worse ones than keeping her house clean and perfect. I went back to the guest room and knelt by my piles of things to sort through them. I found that my dirty laundry from Florida, at least the pieces which had survived Reaver’s knives, was missing.